Monday, February 20, 2006


"Hey there! U there? Take care, maharot ... Where's your pic? Will you ever be comin' to Dubai?"

Unexpected offline messages coming from that all-too missed fellow, Damien. How would I react? Believe it or not, I cried. This was the second time this February that I cried --- all because of offline messages from this most treasured sender in the virtual environment. Don't be confused. The messages were simple, no-offense thoughts (without a tinge of romance) sent across miles. It wasn't his fault that in its simplicity and yes, timing, the words left a strong impact to keep me overwhelmed, literally sending a jolt! I have no word to describe it, I mean what I felt. But it signaled a crying bout for about a few minutes, I couldn't make any justification for such a reaction.

More than a hundred chatmates, in more than a year of chatting (with the rest now consigned to the Ignore List, if not totally deleted), only one guy has ever stirred up that kind of emotion or feeling in me.

His name is the only one listed in my YM Contact List as Virtual Priority No. 1 -- the all-time favorite, better than ice-cream, chocolates and roses combined! Let all these chatfriends of mine come online simultaneously, I'm more than willing to give them all up for this one guy.

Perhaps, I have sorely missed Damien. Perhaps, I have missed him like crazy. When he left the virtual environ and remained "unaccounted for" for several months, I went into that state of being where I couldn't even dare to read past conversations recorded in the message archive (my pc has since twice been reformatted), or to look at pictures we shared and discussed about before while online, or even to glance at his empty ID whenever I opened my YM (you think I have the heart to delete his name? I just minimized that portion in my Messenger List where his name is listed, to avoid any painful association). A part of me badly ached in the sense that any reminder about him could send me into a tearful mode (who wants to be seen crying for no apparent reason? I was not even trying out for an acting or drama role somewhere).

Yes, a part of me literally got stuck up in a box where only one size fitted in. While I continued with my chatting --- and meeting a lot of guys down there, all interesting characters in their own way, no one has ever occupied the special place I have reserved for Damien. In my subconscious perhaps, I was making a comparison of sort. Quite unfair to the rest of those guys who exerted honest efforts to let their presence be felt.

The possibility of Damien and I meeting on chat is not remote unless he intentionally plays hide and seek. Damien still owes me something, least he forgets -- some promises he made before --- like divulging now his real name (first name, at least --- is it a G or a D?), and putting some tune into the lyrics of my "Basta" composition. But more than these promises, his assurance of existence like sending those feelers, is good enough for me. It has the effect of reviving a lifeline disconnected for a time.

Shall I say, Welcome Back, Damien? Or .... ???


Blogger aRy "OmEn" FeBriAnTo said...


12:48 PM  

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